1. What happens if you take a one hundred foot dive into a glass of gingerale?
Nothing! It's a SOFT drink!
2. Why are there gates around graveyards?
Because everybody is DYING to get in!
3. Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!
4. What is a cannibal's favourite game?
Swallow the Leader!
0
A few of my own...
Started by Gr00tbaas, Aug 29 2011 01:12
2 replies to this topic
Post Order
#2
Gr00tbaas
-
- Members
- 157 posts
Domestique
- LocationPretoria
Posted 29 August 2011 - 01:12
Julius...
President Jacob Zuma met the Queen of England earlier this year. He asked her: “Your Majesty, are there any tips you can give me to run a government as efficiently as you do in the UK?”
“Well,” replied the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Zuma frowned. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea and said: “Oh, that’s easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her desk and said: “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walks into the room and said: “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and Father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me, your majesty.”
“Yes! Very good Tony,” replied the Queen.
When president Zuma returned to Cape town, he asked to speak to Julius Malema.When he arrived, Zuma asked: “Answer me this please, Julius. Your mother and your Father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” replied Julius. “Let me get back to you on that one.” Julius returned to his advisors and asked everyone, but nobody can give him an answer. Finally, he ended up at the V&A Waterfront and bumped into Mark Lottering.
Julius looked around to see if anyone could overhear them, and he whispered: “Mark! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Mark whispered back: “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Julius smiled and thanked Mark before heading back to Parliament to speak with Zuma.”I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Mark Lottering.”
Zuma got up, stomped over to Julius, and angrily yelled into his face: “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
President Jacob Zuma met the Queen of England earlier this year. He asked her: “Your Majesty, are there any tips you can give me to run a government as efficiently as you do in the UK?”
“Well,” replied the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Zuma frowned. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea and said: “Oh, that’s easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her desk and said: “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walks into the room and said: “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and Father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me, your majesty.”
“Yes! Very good Tony,” replied the Queen.
When president Zuma returned to Cape town, he asked to speak to Julius Malema.When he arrived, Zuma asked: “Answer me this please, Julius. Your mother and your Father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” replied Julius. “Let me get back to you on that one.” Julius returned to his advisors and asked everyone, but nobody can give him an answer. Finally, he ended up at the V&A Waterfront and bumped into Mark Lottering.
Julius looked around to see if anyone could overhear them, and he whispered: “Mark! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Mark whispered back: “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Julius smiled and thanked Mark before heading back to Parliament to speak with Zuma.”I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Mark Lottering.”
Zuma got up, stomped over to Julius, and angrily yelled into his face: “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
#3
Gr00tbaas
-
- Members
- 157 posts
Domestique
- LocationPretoria
Posted 29 August 2011 - 01:17
Die een is GREAT!!! :
I have one to add:
Julius and the Pope
The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me."
So the Pope slapped him.
I have one to add:
Julius and the Pope
The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me."
So the Pope slapped him.
